The correct way to deal with the child and proper upbringing

proper upbringing:Although the proper upbringing of a child is a detailed discussion that does not fit into this article, there are some points to keep in mind:

self-purification before upbringing: many ignorant people in the home environment, as soon as the slightest discomfort and disagreement occurs, they utter the most vulgar words. Unaware of the fact that such terms are new for the child and force him to search for their meanings and gradually the child also learns them which may provide him with intellectual deviations and moral corruption in the future.

Psychologists believe that a worthy role model is better than a thousand pieces of advice. and there is nothing for a child like seeing the words and actions of the teacher contradict each other. which will cause the child to not pay attention to moral advice.[1]

At home, parents should be careful in dealing with each other and respect each other in the presence of their children. and not show any disrespect towards each other. The Holy Prophet (PBUH) said in a narration: Among the rights that a child has over his father is to respect his mother, choose a good name for the child, teach the child the Qur'an, and raise him in purity and chastity.[2]

moderation in behavior and avoidance of excess:

The only point of hope and happiness for a child is the love and affection of parents. There is no force that reassures and calms a child's mind like the love of parents. No calamity like the loss of all or part of the love of his parents makes his/her soul anxious and annoyed.

If the parents can be successful in this field, their children will try not to offend the parents and avoid things that offend the parents, not only in childhood but also in adulthood.

So, affection for children, in addition to satisfying their needs, provides a means of attracting and obeying parents.

And accordingly, God Almighty also addresses his prophet:

It is by Allah’s mercy that you are gentle to them; had you been harsh and hardhearted, they would have surely scattered from around you. So, excuse them and plead for forgiveness for them, and consult them in the affairs, and once you are resolved, put your trust in Allah. Indeed, Allah loves those who trust in Him.[3]

too much love makes children spoiled, weak, unwilling, and selfish from the very first days. In childhood, such children bother their fathers and mothers with their wrong actions, and these kids are caught up in two calamities.

On the one hand, he expects men and women of society, like his parents, to caress him and respect him, and obey his orders. When he or she finds out that people not only do not respect him/her but only they make fun of him/her in the face of this ridiculous expectation, he/she becomes very upset and feels inferior. On the other hand, these psychological problems cause problems such as irascibility and a sense of inferiority.[4]

Just as one must avoid extremism in affection, it should also be avoided in violent behavior; Psychologically violent treatment of the child is very wrong and causes a lot of harm.

Provide the field of experience for the child:

If you are prevented from experiencing a child, first of all, you have prevented the flourishing of a child's talents, secondly, your child will lose confidence in the future and just want to use others' opinions and refuse to gain experience.

References:

[1] - Daneshmand, Mehdi, The value of parents and raising children, pp. 69-70, Yas Nabi, 1380 H.

[2] - Mousavi Rad Lahiji, Seyyed Hassan, Father, mother, teacher, raise me well p. 128, Publications of Imam ology and Works of Al-Hijjah (AJ) - 1379 AH.

[3] - Surah Al-Imran verse 159

[4] - mikhbar, Sima, Reyhaneh Beheshti or Farzande Saleh, p. 226, Noor al -Zahra